Trying to find direction

There is a time in everyone's life where they come to a crossroads and must make a decision. Do I go right or left? What should I do with my life? Is this what I really want to accomplish or should I be doing something else with my life? What do I really want?

I am still trying to figure out what I really want out of life.... I am slowly getting there.  

I worked part-time while attending college-- legal assistant for five years after a few jobs in retail and the food industry. 

I finished my bachelor's degree in 2009, six years after graduation from high school. I completed my Associates of Arts degree with a concentration in Fine Arts. That allowed me to transfer to a 4-year university without much issue since most of my credits transferred and there were only a few that I had to make up. It took me another three years to finish my bachelor's degree, that included a change of major from Art History to English (where I focused on literature, grammar, linguistics, rhetoric, some journalism and technical writing courses, and I had an internship my senior year). 

After college, I felt lost. I decided to take some teachers certification courses. I wasn't sure what to do with my degree. I took a semester or two of teachers certification courses and did some student teaching. My heart wasn't in it. 

I still loved reading and writing. I looked into other possible careers -- journalism, publishing, copyrighting, technical writing, etc. I even thought about going for my masters degree, but I was already $30,000 in debt, and I had no job prospects related to my degree that would lead towards a fulfilling career, so I looked for other avenues. 

I was dealing with a lot of stress from family-- Dad being deployed from 2009-2010, lack of direction, and a long-distance relationship, and college debt. 

While all of this was causing me stress, the attorney I worked for told me that she couldn't afford to hire me full-time, and when I graduated, part-time work wasn't going to be enough to live on my own and continue attending college. 

Around the same time, my long distance relationship ended. I had nothing tying me to one place. I decided on a military career. I worked with the Air Force to become an officer. I took the A.F.O.Q.T., which is the test potential officers take. I was told by my recruiter that I didn't get the score necessary to be placed with an officer commission, so I would have to try again in one year or enlist and try after being enlisted. I spoke with another recruiter and there was a year wait for enlisted as well. That's when I started talking to recruiters from other branches of the military. I was with my dad who was in the Army Reserves at the time, and he said, "If the Air Force won't take you, why don't we talk to other recruiters in the building and see what they say." So, the next office over was The Marines. They wanted me as an officer, but as soon as I heard the physical requirements, I was a little discouraged and at the time and growing up as an Army brat, there was a little bit of animosity about being in the Marines. I was also told by my dad that women tend to be treated better in either the Air Force or the Navy, but the decision was mine to make and I should weigh my options prior to making a decision. Next, I spoke to a Navy recruiter and was impressed with what they had to offer. The thing is the Navy recruiter said enlisted was my only option since my college G.P.A. wasn't very competitive. They said once enlisted, I could try for O.C.S. (officer candidate school), but didn't give me a timeline or information on that process. I was offered a promotion to  E-3 after completing recruit training (boot camp). I was also offered the college loan repayment program. 

My dad and I lastly spoke to an Army recruiter so that I could make an informed decision and see what they had to offer. The Army offered me a possibility of being an E-4 after boot camp, but didn't offer anything regarding my college loan debt and that was significant. I ended up enlisting with the Navy. 

I was stationed on the USS Abraham Lincoln (CVN-72), which is an aircraft carrier. 

Now I am finally becoming settled in my new life and have many things to look forward to. Yet, I often wonder, "What will the future bring?"

I am finding my own way each and every day.

"A" school in Florida

Departing from Chicago was a nightmare! The evening of graduation from basic training, the area had massive thunderstorms and flooding. The roads surrounding the airport were treacherous, especially for the buses. Once we finally got inside, we were all soaked... while wearing our dress whites and carrying our seabags (green duffel bags which held all of our uniforms and gear). My parents had also purchased a backpack for me... I had that along as well. I looked so silly with a bag on the front and one on the back. Everyone was also carrying garment bags with our other dress uniforms. As we waited for our flights, we spent some time in the USO. The rain and flooding had caused multiple delayed and cancelled flights. My group ended up spending the night in the USO and departing the next morning. We still had a couple of delays. Our flight arrived in Pensacola, FL around 8:00 p.m.

Upon arrival, our uniforms were beyond soiled because we were wearing our dress whites which attract dirt like nobody's business... I mean, you so much as look at them, brush up against something and they are instantly dirty... I think that's the reason why they make them so inexpensive to replace. 

 After checking in with the command, being assigned to where we would be located on base and our barracks assignments, we also had a welcome brief from the chain of command. Since the galley (chow hall) was closed for the evening, the instructors ordered pizza for us. I don't think that we got to bed until about midnight. (My seabag had a hole ripped in the bottom of it by the time that I received it in Pensacola.)

Anyway, by the time we arrived at at the school on base, it was about 9 or 10 o'clock at night. Then, we had to sit through orientation and worry about room assignments and roommates. Luckily, they let us order food since we hadn't eaten dinner. They put us in two to three-person rooms which had a bathroom adjoining another suite. So, later I got to know my "head mates" (people who shared my bathroom). 

Roommate --

My first time in the Navy living with a roommate was at "A" School, which is the technical school that you attend after completing basic training. We got to choose our roommates. I didn't really know many girls that were in my barracks. One of the gals that was in my "brother" division at boot camp somehow became attached to my hip and she volunteered to room with me. That turned out to be a mistake. She had a real attitude and was almost ten years my junior. ( I entered basic training at 26 years old and most of the people there were 18.) 

My roommate seemed okay for a few days, then her true colors began to shine through. Soon her childish demeanor began to drive me insane. It got to the point where one day, she overheard a conversation I had on the phone with my mom (venting about my roommate)... She got rather upset... In all fairness, I didn't even know that she had returned to the room. Needless to say, we began to avoid each other and she became all the more rude towards me... It made the next couple of months difficult. I'm just glad that we didn't have any classes together. She ended up being gone often for her long days in classes. My days weren't as long and I was out by 4:00 p.m.

Waiting to class up--

Once we were assigned our living quarters, we had to wait until there was a class available for us. That meant a lot of cleaning and standing watch. There was fire watch which was walking (roving) and checking spaces for safety, making sure that the equipment was up-to-date, and if there was a fire, reporting it and doing your best to control the fire. Another type of watch duty was inspecting ID's at the quarter deck of the barracks.  You also had to announce the time of day, any inclement weather, and call attention to colors in the morning and evening. I stood that watch often. Then, I was put on phone duty to answer calls for the officers. I was told that I was well-suited for this position and received many compliments from my superiors. My class became available after a couple of weeks at Pensacola Naval Air Station "A" School.

Better food-- 

Food at basic training was alright, though our meals were always hurried. At "A" School, we got to take our meals in the morning before class (after PT), when it was our assigned break between classes, and then at dinner time.  We had time to actually enjoy our meals, and the food was closer to restaurant quality (later I was told that the squadron cooks were some of the best cooks in the Navy other than those who cook for the ship captains). 

Classes-- 

Every day class started at 8:00 a.m. and ended at or before 4:00 p.m. Since I was an undesignated airman, we learned the basics that we would need to learn for any position within the aviation field. We were taught about the different tools within a tool box, weather conditions and how they affected work, what the different aviation jobs entailed in the fleet for Air Department, about the flight deck and the types of aircraft, and what the jersey colors meant. (2 months of classes)

PT sessions--

Every morning we would meet at 6:00 a.m. (if I remember correctly.) We would do push-ups, sit-ups, and various calisthenics exercises following our mile and a half run.  When we ran it was in formation and we sang cadences along with the group leaders and instructors.

Experiencing Pensacola-- 

In the evenings we had leisure time before taps was called. There was a mini commissary on base where we could purchase snacks to keep in our rooms and basic personal care items. There was also a place to purchase uniform items and Pensacola souvenirs. On base, we had an enlisted club where they had pool tables, arcade games, a bar that sometimes served food, night life, and a lounge. Those who were not of drinking age could not be in the bar of the enlisted club. On weekends, they would have dance lessons, DJs and karaoke. I made some good friends and also had some from basic training with whom I spent time. We had to have a liberty buddy to go off base. I went to the beach a few times and to the mall. In hindsight, I wish I had done a little more exploring. 

Orders-- 

After my classes had completed, we attended a small graduation ceremony where the instructors presented us with certificates of completion. We also received our orders for where we would be assigned during the first enlistment of our Navy career. I was assigned to an aircraft carrier and was to report to the Aviation Fuels division of Air Department. 

Leave-- 

Following "A" School, I was permitted two weeks of leave. I went home to see family and friends. My mom had a big banner made for me that was displayed in the front of the house. A party was also planned while I was home. Friends and family visited with me during the party and I filled them in about how things were going with me. 

Arriving at Everett WA for sea duty-- 

I departed from Chicago and headed towards the West Coast. I was so excited to see what lay ahead. I had gained some more luggage while at home. I had my computer bag and another duffel. I must have looked like a packed mule. Ha ha. It was all very heavy and I had to carry it on my own. I went to the USO in Seattle to get in touch with my new chain of command and figure out travel arrangements from the airport to base. I had to take a shuttle then a van to base. I was riding with a few other people and we were dropped off at the main gate. It was a long walk to the ship, which was towards the back of base. Luckily, someone on duty brought a truck to help carry luggage and give us a ride. Once I checked into the Quarter Deck of the ship, my new department sent someone to help me carry my stuff to my new berthing onboard. 

Graduation and Jetting off to Florida

I finally graduated from boot camp. Here I was a new sailor. My family came to greet me, and my dad, as requested, was in his Army dress greens. It was kind of funny that some of the ignorant new graduates saw it fit to salute an upper enlisted person and couldn't tell the difference between that and an officer. My dad kind of laughed.

I got to spend an afternoon with my family. It was so nice having some relaxation. We had a curfew to return to base, and no one was supposed to take a cell phone upon return to base. A lot of people, including myself snuck in cell phones... everyone had them and despite threats, the RDCs (recruit division commanders) didn't follow through on their threats to punish us.

We all anxiously awaited our departure the next morning. Our sea bags (duffel bags) and garment bags were all packed. Our dress whites were pressed and on hangars at the end of our racks (beds) for the next morning. As the next morning dawned, we all felt a sense of accomplishment. We got dressed, said our goodbyes and all got ready to board buses for the airport. The line to the buses seemed to last forever... it was a long wait and the bags were incessantly heavy. I took off my bag and my back was killing me. One of my new friends asked me if I was okay... he ended up helping me to transport my bags most of the journey, well when he could. The ride to the airport took forever and was almost a little treacherous. The Chicago area had received a great deal of rainfall in a freak thunderstorm and there were really deep puddles everywhere on the loop surrounding O'Hare. Mom and Dad were able to follow us to the airport and got to spend time with me in the USO lounge before I went to wait in the terminal for my flight. Mom brought me homemade brownies too... awesome! Well, my flight to Pensacola got delayed a few times and finally rescheduled to the following day, so I got to spend the night in the airport... Mom came to meet me again and took me out to the mall for a little while then brought me back for the night. The next morning we took a series of flights to Florida... when all was said and done, I'd been in and out of airports for about 36 hours and arrived about 9 or 10 o'clock at night to the barracks for orientation and room assignment.

A Hug from Dad

The whole family right after boot camp graduation inside the ceremonial drill hall

Another family picture after a celebratory dinner

Transiting through O'Hare airport

Mom, Dad, and I... my family has this thing (well, my mom mostly) of taking pictures of our feet

A change of rate... choosing my new fate

Well, I have to admit, boot camp was not the easiest time of my life. It was more nerve-wrecking than my first day of college. It was a complete re-boot where a civilian is reprogrammed into a sailor... given government training, a regimented set of rules, a brand new lifestyle, and a whole new set of clothes-- the uniforms that would be worn for a job serving our country in times of peace and times of war to complete a contracted agreement of service. You never realize how much people have to change when they enter the military. Not only are you changed on the outside with a new haircut, better posture, a more athletic build, and a snazzy new uniform, but you also receive a change of character.

When I received my job at MEPS (the military entrance processing station), I was given three choices. Hindsight tells me that I should have chosen the intelligence job that I was offered as a computer technician, yet every choice we make leads us down a certain path-- in other words, everything happens for a reason. My three choices were between a job with computers, one dealing with gas engine turbines, and working with airplanes as part of the crew onboard. Well, the gas engine turbine job sounded entirely out of my comfort level, so I narrowed down my choices to the other two jobs. I was really torn, and though I didn't go with my gut, I was also somehow drawn to my decision. I chose to be in aircrew. It was a job in one of the special programs... I didn't entirely know what this would mean for me and my recruiter didn't really have a good explanation of the job either. I did my own research and found out a little about the job. It sounded like I'd be part of the crew in the aircraft who assist the pilot with instrumentation. That seemed like it would be a lot of fun and a different experience than any other job I had done thus far. I was up for the challenge. What I didn't know was that it was more in-depth than I thought. At boot camp, I was given the real story about what my job would entail. They put me through a series of extra medical screenings. I received more shots and blood draws, also an EKG and essentially a full body scan. In the end, they found out that I had scoliosis and told me that I was medically disqualified for my job. The medical staff said that even though I had bad sinus allergies which could in and of itself disqualify me for the job, it was something that could have been waived, but issues with my musculoskeletal system were not. I had a feeling that something would prevent me from a job in special programs when I was told that my swimming level might not be to par,  but I guess my medical situation was what put it over the edge. I was told that I had to choose a new job. Believe me, the choices were not easy. I was given a larger list of jobs from which to choose this time, unlike the three at MEPS. I carefully weighed my options and assessed what would better me in the civilian world with skills after my contract was up. In the end, I chose to go forth as an undesignated airman. I didn't know the implications of my decision, yet it seemed like the best option at the time. Had someone told me that I would go through a pointless two months of waiting and training to be sent to the fleet and stuck in a random internship with no say, I would have taken more care with my choice of job.

Return of a sailor from a voyage at sea full of vast adventures

Wow, it has been over two years since I have last written in this blog. That's a long time. I guess it's time to write something eloquent and profound.

To all of those who decide to join the military, make sure that you join for the right reasons and make an informed decision.

When I joined, I was out of options for a job and I had the impending doom of student loans leering over me. I had graduated college and was looking for something where I could utilize my degree... my dream job or at least a stepping stone to it.  Illinois had no jobs, and I had been jobless for almost a year and a half. I had tried to get my teacher's certification, but was even running out of funds to continue with that venture. So, the military seemed like a good choice. Plenty of my other family members, including my dad, have served our country, and I thought I should follow in their footsteps because it's the noble thing to do.

I guess I should start my recap of the past two years by regaling with tales from boot camp.

The training in my DEP program was a little intense but nothing prepared me for the rigors of boot camp. Boot camp is all a mental game that they play on the willing recruits. You go into the processing center not knowing what to expect. Then comes the rigorous training where you not only gain physical, but also emotional strength and develop a boost of character. All of which molds you into a better version of yourself ready to present to the world. I had my daily trials and tribulations and there were many days that I wasn't sure that I would succeed in completing my recruit training to become a full-fledged sailor, but by the end of the couple of months spent at Great Lakes, I was ready to move onto the next step.

Saying Goodbye

I couldn't ask for a better final week with my friends and family before I ship out.

It all started with this past Saturday when I had my going away party, then I met my friend Kelly for dinner and coffee.

Monday and Tuesday I spent with my parents running errands, did things around the house, and cooked out. 

Wednesday, I met my friend Katie for lunch and coffee.

I spoke to my recruiter on Monday to check in and then on Tuesday we were supposed to meet at the office for my 7 day re-certification and PT, but that got pushed back to Thursday. I had my urinalysis... I have a couple more of those next week (on Tuesday before going to the hotel, on Wednesday morning at MEPS, then again at RTC--boot camp)... I had a few minor things to straighten out about shipping out, and we had PT where we exercised to a TaeBo video for an hour.

Thursday evening I went out with my parents, brothers, grandma, and brother's girlfriend and son and we spent some time together.... this was after I went to the recruiter for my meeting. When I got home, I spoke to my great grandma on the phone for a while. 

Yesterday, I am met my best friend, Ana, to see the movie "Something Borrowed." It was a great!

And, last night I went out with my friend Katie and her friends to celebrate her graduation from junior college. It was so much fun! I hadn't had a night out with the girls in a long time.

Also, my niece arrived for her weekend visitation with my brother Benj. She will be here until Monday afternoon when they leave to take her back to Indiana to meet her mother.

Today I met my friend Amanda and her mom and we all went bowling....and I didn't suck too much... got better with each game we played (started off at a 40 and ended on a 60, I think).

On Sunday I have plans with my grandparents, immediate family, and my aunt for a cook out. 

This is all getting so surreal, and time is flying by so fast whereas before it dragged. I intend to have a relaxing weekend and then get things in order on Monday... Tuesday my mom drops me off at my recruiter's office and I go to the hotel, and Wednesday I ship out for RTC at Great Lakes for boot camp for 9 weeks.

I am saying goodbye to my childhood home, my friends and family, my pets, and civilian life. The next time I write in my blog I will be a United States Sailor and training for my job in aviation.

Time is running away, where has it gone?

The following two songs definitely describe how my last week has been... I am excited about all of the opportunities my future holds, but running out of days to do things before I leave.


Incubus- "Drive"

"Drive" lyrics

"Sometimes, I feel the fear of uncertainty stinging clear
And I can't help but ask myself how much I let the fear
Take the wheel and steer
It's driven me before
And it seems to have a vague, haunting mass appeal
But lately I'm beginning to find that I
Should be the one behind the wheel

Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there
With open arms and open eyes yeah

Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there
I'll be there"


3 Doors Down- "Running Out of Days"

"Running Out of Days" lyrics


"All these little things in life they all create this haze 
There’s too many things to get done, and I’m running out of days"